Steroid Jokes / Recent Jokes

According to the New York Times, some are conjecturing that steroids may have infiltrated the world of golf.


Judging by Masters champion Phil Mickelson's physique, it's more likely he's experimenting with some sort of estrogen regime.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson admitted to using steroids at the University of Miami. And if you're surprised by this, you probably enjoyed The Scorpion King, too.

Danica Patrick recently told reporters that she would take steroids if she thought she wouldn't be caught. And that she's actually Manny Ramirez.

Reports say that former big league pitcher Jason Grimsley accused Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, and Miguel Tejada of using performance enhancing drugs. The three denied the allegations, and most people believe Tejada and Pettitte.

A sea lion crawled a mile to a Bay Area Dairy Farm, and took up residence with the cows there. Several men proceeded to capture it, and return it to the sea, saying that she was lost. Mankind is lost. How would you like to be thrown back into the sea, roiling with pollution from off-shore oil drilling, toxic waste disposal, and by-products from nuclear weaponry testing!? Why don’t they leave these poor creatures alone, and at least allow them to evolve? Maybe she had high hopes of being fed steroids, injected with hormones, and cloned to preserve her species. She could have been just role- playing, but you’d think they’d understand that in San Francisco, and let her ‘Come Out’ with dignity.

I found a mouse in my apartment the other day. What is it that makes mice able to eat all of your shit regardless of where you store it? I had a bucket of weight gaining supplements that I'm taking (because that shit doesn't come in single servings, it only comes in the 50 lb. industrial sized paint bucket) sitting on the top shelf in the cupboards. The mouse somehow climbed up into the cupboards and broke into the bucket and ate half the powder.


So now I have Mighty Mouse on steroids walking through my apartment, harrassing the neighborhood cats, bench pressing my furniture, bitching that my movie selection sucks, drinking my beer, kicking my ass in NCAA 07 for Xbox.

I understand it though, it's the Roid Rage. He doesn't really mean it. Deep down I know that he really loves me.

The Angels may discipline Gary Matthews Jr. for refusing to provide information about his alleged purchase of HGH.

Matthews will eventually have to cooperate like other steroid users, and apologize without meaning it.