Stewardess Jokes / Recent Jokes

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you bitch!" Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass!" Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a ballsy bastard!"

As the stewardess was checking passengers before takeoff, she saw a man dressed in rock climbing equipment, she asked him, "Sir, why are you dressed so?" to which he replied, "In case of a crash in the mountains, i can climb to safty and help everyone." Further down the aicraft, she sees a man dressed in scuba equipment and she asks, "Sir, why are you dressed so?" to which he replied, " In case we crash over the sea, i can swim to safty and help all on board." A little further down the plain she sees a blond dying her pubic hair black. The stewardess asks, "Madam, what are you doing?" to which the blond replies, "Well when the aicraft crashes, the first thing they look for is the black box!!"

The man was in a hurry to board the airplane and didn't have time to do the paperwork to get his little doggie on board. So the man stashed the puppy down the front of his pants and snuck him on to the plane. About 30 minutes into the flight, a stewardess noticed that the man was squirming in his seat.
"Are you OK, mister?" the stewardess asked.
"Yes, I'm fine," said the man.
Time went by and again the stewardess noticed strange movements.
"Are you sure you're all right, sir?"
"Yes," the man insisted, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to do the paperwork to bring my puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants."
"I see," the stewardess said. "Well, as long as he's housebroken, I guess it will be OK."
"Oh, he's housebroken," the man replied. "The problem is, he's not weaned yet!"

Told by Don Criqui on NBC morning news:
After telling of Jose Canseco's recent run-in with an airline stewardess
over not wanting to wear a seatbelt...
"Once when Muhammed Ali was flying, the stewardess came over and asked
him to fasten his seatbelt. Ali told the stewardess, "Superman don't
need no seatbelt."
The stewardess replied, "Champ, Superman don't need no plane."

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So the stewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."

The airline business has always had a rich sense of humor, and one purportedly true story doing the rounds at the moment upholds the tradition. It concerns a stormy flight aboard a Boeing aircraft; an off-duty airline stewardess is sitting next to a man in the grip of serious white-knuckle fever as he watches, through his porthole, the aircraft's wing bending and bouncing in the tempest.The stewardess tries to reassure him; she works in the industry and flies all the time, she tells him. There is nothing to worry about; "the pilots have everything under control."

"Madam," he replies, "I am a Boeing engineer and we did not design this aircraft to do what it is doing."

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your ass".

Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!"