Subway Jokes / Recent Jokes
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. The homeless are invisible. The subway makes sense. The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple". Your door has more than three locks. You go to a hockey game for the fighting. In the stands. To participate. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. You call an 8' x 10' more...
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket."
"Oh really" she spat. "then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!" "I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket." "Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people wereforced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the manbehind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!""I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay checkin my pocket.""Oh really" she spat."then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."
Q. Why do horny women order at Subway?
A. Footlongs
From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason.The best submissions:SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there`s the hot air part.SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.MAGIC 8 BALL: Male, because it gives monosyllabic answers that usuallyindicate it did not pay attention to your question.WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, more...
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3: 30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. The homeless are invisible. The subway makes sense. The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual. You think $7. 00 to cross a bridge is a fair price. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple". Your door has more than three locks. You go to a hockey game for the fighting. In the stands. To participate. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. You call an 8' x more...