Sugar Jokes / Recent Jokes
After going through the line at a crowded cafeteria, the three rambunctious teen-age boys found they were forced to share a table with a kindly looking old lady. One of the lads decided to have a bit of fun at the woman's expense and, nudging one of his buddies under the table, suddenly remarked, "Did your folks ever get married?"
"Nope," replied his tablemate, picking up the put-on. "How about yours?"
"They never bothered," answered the first young man.
"That's nothing," interrupted the third, "my mother doesn't even know who my father is."
The elderly woman looked up from her coffee and said sweetly, "Excuse me, but would one of you little bastards please pass the sugar?"
It is recounted that at King's College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year's rounds by teaching "a singularly important principle of medicine." He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. "Diabetes," he said, "is a greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic..."By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample more...
One day three couples in a minivan are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast.
Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, "could you pass the honey honey?" to whom his wife, hands over the honey.
Then, the husband from Kansas says " Could you pass the sugar sugar?" and she passes him the sugar.
The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says "Wanna pass me the bacon, pig?"
Ingredients:
1 cup water 2 cups dried fruit 1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar 1 tsp salt 8 oz nuts
4 large eggs 1 tsp baking soda juice of 1 lemon
1 bottle of whisky
Method:
Sample whisky to check its quality.
Take a large bowl. Re-check the whisky to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level
cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon
of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay and cry another tup.
Turn off the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix
on the turner, and if the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with
a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonisisticity.
Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or
something. Whatever you can more...
Here's a recipe to make Mom's famous brownies!
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Jr and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Jr. and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13 inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat more...
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake more...