Surgeon Jokes / Recent Jokes

"What kind of job do you do?" a lady passenger asked the man traveling in her compartment.
"I'm a naval surgeon," he replied.
"Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these days!"

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, ''Welcome to heaven, my son.'' God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says. God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in two days.''

A friend of mine had a liver transplant over in a Pittsburgh hospital. The day after the hospital the surgeon came in for a visit.
"How does your side feel," the surgeon asked.
"My side feels pretty good, but my throat really hurts."
"Let me see the dressing on your side," the surgeon said.
"But Doc, my throat. What's wrong with it?" asked my friend.
"Well, I might as well tell you." said the surgeon. "Yours was a special operation watched by many students in a big amphitheater. The two hour operation went perfectly. The students were so impressed they all stood up and applauded. The applause went on so long, I decided to take out your tonsils for an encore."

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey... Is dat you? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car.
Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris..."Try doing your work with the engine running."

Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, in conjunction with research associate Dr. Ed Bluestone of the Surgeon General's office, has compiled for non-confidential distribution a list of activities which, while not definitely linked to death or established as causative factors in any specific form of physical or physiological deterioration, have been determined through exhaustive reiteration to be detrimental to the human condition and specifically to the welfare of their perpetrator. While implementation of any of these activities is not specifically illegal as cited by state or federal jurisdictions, engagement in any of said activities could very probably be construed as a gross breach of common etiquette constraints and/or moral codes and analogs. Widespread or accelerated participation in any of the listed activities by an increasing or superannuated segment of the population would be frowned on by and erosive to all reasonable, respected, and stalwart facets of American society. The more...

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered".
"I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered".
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded".
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless,spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable."

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on." I'm about to close,' the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!"The doctor hands him the thread and says, "Go ahead... Suture self"!