Surgeon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three surgeons at a conference were discussing their greatest operations during one of the breaks. First surgeon: "I once had an ambulance crew bring in a man's leg and my team and I built a new body around it and now that he's recovered fully he does the work of five guys." Second surgeon: "That's really good. My greatest test was a few skin fragments sent to us by the local nuclear plant after a major accident. My team and I work for three days and built an entire new person around those few bits and sent him back to work six months later. He's so good that he now runs the entire plant by himself!"Third surgeon: "Not bad, my friend. I was walking along outside the White House when Clinton went jogging by and farted. I captured that fart in a plastic bag and went to the hospital. My team and I built another ass hole around that fart, added a brain and he's so good he's putting this entire country out of work!"

A poor surgeon hurts 1 person at a time. A poor teacher hurts 130.

Lorena Bobbit for Surgeon General.

After the micro surgeons conference in New York, the leading surgeons were in
a bar and, being drunk off there faces, began to reminice over their greatest
feats
The first, and English surgeon explained:
We had a chap caught in a printing press factory last year and all that was
left of
him was his little finger. Our team of surgeons constructed a new hand and
buit a
new arm, enigeered a new body and ultimately, he returned to the work
force. He
was so efficient he put five men out of work.
"Thats nothing." added the American surgeon. "We had a worker trapped inside
a
nuclear reactor and all that was left of him was an eyelash. We constructed
a new eye, a new skull, a new torso and new limbs. We put him back into the
workforce in under a week and he is so efficient he put 50 men out of work.
The Canadian surgeon, not to be outdone:
"I was walking down the street one day when a Fart more...

Naval Surgeon
"What kind of job do you do?" a lady passenger asked the man traveling in her compartment.
"I'm a naval surgeon," he replied.
"Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these days!"

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.
Morris shouts across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is that you? "Come on over here a minute!" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.
Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me is doing basically the same work?"
Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic...
"Now try doing it with the engine running!"

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.Morris shouts across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is that you? "Come on over here a minute!" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me is doing basically the same work?"Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic..."Now try doing it with the engine running!"