Surgeon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four friends whose careers were an architect, a surgeon, a politician and an anesthetist met regularly for a monthly discussion.

This month’s topic was whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon opened the discussion by stating that in the good book it says that the lord took a rib from Adam and created woman, that, my friends, requires the skill of a surgeon, the greatest of them all, so therefore it follows that my profession is the oldest.

Then the anesthetist looked at the surgeon and said my friend you have got it wrong, before surgery can take place the patient must be put to sleep, that requires the skills of an anesthetist, the greatest of them all so I claim that my profession is the oldest.

Then the architect looked at the surgeon and the anesthetist and countered them with the fact that before anything existed there was nothing but organized chaos, every thing had to be planned, blueprinted, and built, that my friends takes the skills of more...

A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing,"he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey. ... Is dat you? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car.
Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind' em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris. .."Try doing your work with the engine running."

Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked to carve the meat -- or worse yet, to watch the host carve while commenting on the surgeon's occupation.

At one party, a surgeon friend was watching the carving while Harry, his host, kept up a running commentary: "How am I doing, doc? How do you like that technique? I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don't you think?"

When the host finished and the slices of meat lay neatly on the serving platter, the surgeon spoke up: "Anybody can take them apart, Harry. Now let's see you put them back together again."

A group of doctors go duck hunting for the first time. The family practitioner looks thru the site, aims, & says, "Well, I think there is something out there, but I better get another opinion."

The internist takes the rifle, looks, & says, "I see something that is flying, but I'm not sure what it is. I better make a referral."

The neurologist takes the rifle, looks, & says, "Hmmmm, It may be ducks, but to be sure, I better get some tests."

The psychiatrist then looks thru the rifle & says, "Vell, zay look like ducks, zay act like ducks, but I don't know if zay zink zay are ducks. I zink I better get a consult."

The surgeon picks up the rifle, points & fires all over the sky. "Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam!"

All sorts of things fall from the sky & land at his feet. The surgeon points to them & says to the pathologist, "Make sure they're ducks!"

This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above "You will live to be 100." She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100." Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus, died, and went up to heaven. She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?". God said: "I didn't recognize you".

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered.

The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think the file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable."