Surgeon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got
home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting
with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after
which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2: 00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the
vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.

"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"

"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of
cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I
can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?"

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then
patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted
on the phone"

"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?"

"Should do," said the vet, more...

I went past a plastic surgeon's shop the other day and saw Michael Jackson picking his nose.

"I say, I say, I say. Have you heard about the plastic surgeon who sat by the fire?"

"Yes, he melted."

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution.
He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said,' yes, I can put you right.'
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells,' You swine, you gave me a woman's ears.'
'Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's.'
'You're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand any thing!'

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered".

"I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered".

The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded".

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable."

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says,' I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, Everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds,' Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them, is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says,' No, I really think librarians Are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in:' You know, I like Construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he Observed:' You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the Head and the butt are interchangeable.

A Cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington D. C. He was also paid $50, 000 to present his find. He did a couple more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his find than to work as a surgeon. So he decided to do the lectures full-time. He hired a driver and purchased a limousine.
One day, after he'd been doing the lecture circuit for about 6 months, his driver turns to him and says, "You know.... This is completely unfair."
"What do you mean?" asks the surgeon.
"Well, you get paid $50, 000 every time you do this lecture and that's more than I get paid in a year," replies the driver.
The surgeon explains to him that it is a very complicated procedure and that he is the only person that can give this more...