Surgeon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!

A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2: 00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice." Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?" "Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?" There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone""Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?" "Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"

A friend of mine had a liver transplant over in a Pittsburgh hospital. The day after the hospital the surgeon came in for a visit.
"How does your side feel," the surgeon asked.
"My side feels pretty good, but my throat really hurts."
"Let me see the dressing on your side," the surgeon said.
"But Doc, my throat. What's wrong with it?" asked my friend.
"Well, I might as well tell you." said the surgeon. "Yours was a special operation watched by many students in a big amphitheater. The two hour operation went perfectly. The students were so impressed they all stood up and applauded. The applause went on so long, I decided to take out your tonsils for an encore."

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.

Morris shouts across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is that you? "Come on over here a minute!" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.

Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind' em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me is doing basically the same work?"

Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic...
"Now try doing it with the engine running!"

Banta lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Mumbai, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the Garage, ”Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute. ”
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one.
So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? ”
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: What did he say?
He said: “Try to do it when the engine is running”.

A surgeon was checking on a patient who had a hernia operation three days before.
The doctor asked the man why he had not gotten out of bed. "I hurt," the man said.
"You don`t know how it feels." "I know exactly how it feels," the doctor said. "I had the same procedure last month, and I was back at work two days later. There`s no difference in our operations." "Oh yes there is," said the patient. "You had a different surgeon."