Surgeon Jokes / Recent Jokes
While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?""After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.""I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
A woman with a brain tumor was surprised when her doctor called her, and told her of a new, experimental brain transplant procedure. When she met with her doctor, he told her that she would require the transplant of one pound of brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
"What type?" the woman asked, "That makes a difference?"
"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For example, one-pound of brain from a surgeon costs $12, 000, while you can get one-pound of brain from a nuclear physicist for $15, 000, and so on. You will gain some of the qualities associated with the profession of the brain donor, so your choice can make a big difference."
"Can you give me one-pound of brain from a lawyer? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."
"Sure. Let's see. That's $250, 000," the doctor replied.
"You're kidding more...
A surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine," he said. She asked, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?" He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine, Miss Lewinsky. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whothey like to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "I like operating onlibrarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".
The second surgeon said, "I like operatingon accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".
The third surgeon said, "I like operating onelectricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.
The fourth surgeon said, "I like operatingon lawyers".
The other three surgeons looked at each other indisbelief. One of them asked why.
The fourth surgeon replied, "Because theyare heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?" "Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the nurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain." The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"