Swallow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret those hidden signs:

1. Women won't unlock car door for men - Doesn't engage in oral sex

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - no foreplay

3. Can't hail a cab - impotent

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - prefers virgins

5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - is a virgin

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan

7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho

9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant - will swallow

10. Wants to go to a deli -won't swallow

11. Uses Sweet n' Low - wearing falsies

12. Takes too long deciding what to order - has trouble reaching orgasm

13. Orders salad dressing on the more...

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really about. As we've gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery. It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence... Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current' grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but more...

How do you tell if a guy has a high sperm count...
You have to chew before you swallow.

Blow job etiquette (by a woman)
1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.
My ears are not handles.
5 - Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?
6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.
7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just you can't have sex right now.
8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.
9 - If I have to pause to more...

Excerpts from Readers's Digest.
My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. more...