Swelling Jokes

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.
He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling."
He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."
"Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. My maid said to use hot water."

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.
He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling."
He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."
"Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. My maid said to use hot water."

A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend on not one but two occasions he noticed that his erection was still at its full glory.

Having struggled to sleep through the night he woke up to find his boner still standing proud, and, due to him worrying about the police finding out about his possession and indeed the use of an illegal substance he decided against visiting his doctor.

However after three days of enduring headaches and nausea caused by the constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of help. He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist who diagnosed lack of oxygen to vital bloodstreams in his body as the cause of his sickness.

He was given numerous drugs and antibiotics to Combat the swelling, but shortly afterwards, developed blood clots in various parts of his body and gangrene set in. As a result he lost more...