Swollen Jokes

Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now...what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied.

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.
He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling."
He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."
"Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. My maid said to use hot water."

A CHILD was repeatedly told,' If you take too many chocolates, you will have a swollen tummy.'
The child was a little oversmart. So one day when a woman in an advanced state of pregnancy came to his house, the child remarked innocently,' I know what you have done!'

A mother took her daughter to the doctor for an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen tummy.
It took no time at all for the doctor so say, "Of course your daughter's tummy is swollen, she's pregnant!"
The mother became furious and blatantly insisted that was not possible. She babbled on and on about what a 'good' girl her daughter was, how she doesn't do 'those things', etc. etc.
All the while she babbled, the doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon, which only caused the mother to become more infuriated.
"Stop staring out the window!" she bellowed. "Why are you not paying attention to me?"
"I am paying attention to you, ma'am." the doctor calmly replied. "It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came. I was hoping they would show up again and help me figure out how your daughter got pregnant!"

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.
He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling."
He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."
"Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. My maid said to use hot water."