Switch Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were three prisoners who were about to be executed by the electric chair. The guards strapped down the first one, a Frenchman, onto the chair, and they asked him for his last words.
"Vive la France!" he said, meaning 'Long live France'.
When they pulled the switch, nothing happened. Everyone was amazed and thought that a miracle had occurred. The Frenchman was saved from death and released.
The guards strapped the second one, an Englishman, in the chair. When asked for his last words, he said, "Long live the Queen!"
Again, when they pulled the switch, nothing happened. He was saved and released.
When they asked the last prisoner who was an Irishman for his last words, he said, "Do you know why the other two prisoners escaped death? It's because you stupid blokes forget to plug in the cable!"

Once, there were two bikers driving down the highway on a cold afternoon."Man! commented one... it's FREEZING!!! and my coat won't zip up. The cold air is killing me!!"The other biker thought for a minute as they sped down the road. "Well, he said at last... you can turn your jacket around, then the open side would be at the back. You wouldn't get so cold that way.""Great idea!" commented the other. "stop and let me switch."The driver pulled over, and the passenger put his jacket on backwards."There! he said when he had completed the switch. "I feel better already."The two of them climbed back on the motorcycle and drove off. Then, suddenly they hit a patch of ice on the road, and spun off and crashed. A few minutes later a crowd had gathered, and when the ambulance arrived, the EMTs shouted out "Is anybody hurt?"One guy from the crowd replied "Well, the driver was dead when I got here, and the other guy was doing more...

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED- We are still pissing in the wind. 2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM- We just hired three kids fresh out of college. 3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION- We know who to blame. 4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH- It works OK, but looks very hi-tech. 5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED- We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered. 6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE- The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch. 7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING- We are so surprised that the stupid thing works. 8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED- The only person who understood the thing quit. 9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS- It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless. 10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT- Forget it! We have enough problems for now. 11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL- Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up. 12. GIVE US more...

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "The user can work it out."

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: It should be obvious to an intelligent user.

Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem? ..."

Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I'm sorry, we don't support that kind of lighting technology.

Q: How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of more...

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked more...

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn''t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!