Tandem Jokes

Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said: I didnt think wed make it! Jill replied, Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or wed have slid all the way back down!

A group of sister from a local convent were out for their Sunday bike ride through the suburbs. They were quite a site, seven in a row on one of those seven seater tandem bikes, headed, of course by mother superior.

They went over a speed bump. In unison, they all let out an excited "OOOOOOOOO!' The mother superior turned around and looked at them sternly. She admonished the nuns, "Sisters, you must quiet down".

They went over another bump, "OOOOOOO" The mother superior turned around and warned "Sisters, please!' Your making a spectacle out of us."

And another bump, "OOOOOO" The mother superior turned around and gruffly said, "Sisters, this is your last warning. One more OOOOOO out of any of you and we are going to have to put the seats back on."

In view of recent admonitions against jokes maligning any
class of people, I thought I'd put together some examples
of humor that are approved within the Tandem Values. Note
how these jokes arise from existing ones that are not
permitted, showing that humor can be found anywhere.
WRONG: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
This joke is offensive to two classes of people, blondes and
coffee drinkers. It might also offend people who do not drink
coffee for religious reasons.
RIGHT: Why can't pigmentally-challenged individuals take a short
rest between job tasks?
Because the Mail Police are reading this joke.
WRONG: How do you kill a pink elephant?
This joke has many problems, as it is offensive to environmentalists,
vegetarians, and elephants of all colors. It also promotes racism
and classism among elephants, and, perhaps, among other species as
well. It should not be sent to the HUMOR sig for these reasons.
RIGHT: more...

Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said:' I didn't think we'd make it!' Jill replied,' Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we'd have slid all the way back down!'

Eggy Fart: Smells pretty much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
Growling Fart: Happens deep within the rectum, therefore having no smell. Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vet.
Prelude to a Poopie: You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You quickly tense your buttocks, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.
Beefy One: Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!' Will smell a little like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog-turd.
Squeeky Fart: Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.
Trouser Ripping Special: Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This one genuinely hurts and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Those sitting nearby at the time will experience hearing more...