Taxpayer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.""Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

The new tax system is full of acronyms which makes it more difficult for the average taxpayer to grasp. The following is a simple succinct appreciation of the new system.

The new system is NUTS the New Universal Taxation System and although it may appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand.

Basically, it is STUFFT the Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions.

Major elements of NUTS include a number for each business entity an Australian Business Utilisation Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with governments at all levels.

Every business in Australia will get ABUN with NUTS. The new system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian Taxation Collection Head Office Organisation (ATCHOO) Businesses will be required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table And Report Directive (BASTARD) every month.

Businesses should set aside at least three days every working week to fill the BASTARD more...

Taxpayer: I always pay my income taxes all at once.

Tax collector: But you are allowed to pay them in quarterly installments.

Taxpayer: I know it, but my heart can't stand it four times a year.

A distraught taxpayer handed in his income tax return with his check to the Internal Revenue agent.

"Boy," complained the man, "the boys in Washington are a heartless bunch. They sure cleaned out my bank account!"

"Cheer up", consoled the revenue man. "Remember what Benjamin Franklin said:' Nothing is certain but death and taxes."

"Yeah," said the taxpayer. "I only wish they came in that order."

"How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?" asked the IRS auditor.
"Well," the taxpayer answered, "while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said,' I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea and I'll give you the most luxurious villa you have ever seen'. I threw the fish back to the sea, and got the villa."
"How can you prove such an unbelievable story?"
"Well, you can see the villa, can't you?"