Teddy Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."
Q. What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert? A. No thank you, I am stuffed.
Here's a recipe to make Mom's famous brownies! Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Jr. and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13 inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if more...
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make love.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Teddy.
Teddy who?
Teddy is the beginning of the rest of your life!
Q: What kind of money to polo bears use?
A: Ice lolly!
Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I`ve been shooting in my shorts!
Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!
Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A: A bear faced lyre!
Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they`d look stupid in anoraks!
Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!
Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
A: Fred bear!
Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A: A little bear!
Q: What`s yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear`s forgotten cousin!
Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
A: Winnie the Pooh! Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!
Q: What do you call a big white bear with more...
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.
' Teddy,' he called,' how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.'
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
' That's better,' said his father.' Now will you always come down stairs like that?'
' Suits me,' said Teddy.' I slid down the bannister.'