Teddy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Here's a recipe to make Mom's famous brownies!
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Jr and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Jr. and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13 inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat more...
For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar, where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans; instead, he substituted hickory nuts.
Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes; he frowned.
"Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?"
"I can't lie to ya," Teddy said. "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
Mom's Brownies Recipe
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased more...
You can sleep with them all you want and not have to worry about
getting them pregnant.
You don't need a touchy-feely manual ("Women are from Mars, Men are
From Venus" etc) to understand each other.
When you've screwed up and made a fool of yourself, a teddy bear
will never say "I told you so".
You can have as many favorites as you want and they won't get
jealous.
They're always ready for a cuddle anytime, anywhere.
They don't mind it a bit if you stay out at all hours with "the boys".
No matter what "guy thing" you're in to, they always enjoy what
you enjoy.
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm
gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
know what to do with.
- Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane,
son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
or your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my more...
Mom's Brownies Recipe...Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.Let cat out of refrigerator.Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.Bake 25 minutes.Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat more...
Mom's Brownies RecipeRemove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. more...