Teddy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Mom’s Brownies Recipe
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr “no, no. ”
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9×13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from more...
"Teddy, the red nosed senator,
Had a very shiny car.
And if you've ever seen it,
You were prob'ly near a bar.
All of the other Senators,
Wondered how he get his dames.
They thought he was to drunk,
To join in any bedroom games.
Then one clouded Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
'Teddy with your nose so red,
'Won't you help me guide my sled.'
That's how the police found him,
Wrapped around a maple tree.
Teddy, the red nosed Senator,
You're a drunken S.O.B.!"
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit. ''Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!'' ''Not now! I'm eating.'' ''Oh come on!'' said the rabbit. ''It's really important.'' ''No way.'' ''Please. It's urgent.'' So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air. ''Well, rabbit,'' he panted. ''What did you want to tell me?'' ''Hey, Teddy,'' the rabbit began, ''look how many berries are on the other side of the river.''
: How do you hire a teddy bear? A: Put him on stilts! Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A: A polo bear! Q: Why do polo bears like bald men? A: Because they have a great, white, bear place! Q: What do polo bears have for lunch? A: Ice burger! Q: What's a teddy bears favorite pasta? A: Tagliateddy! Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A: They both have 'the' as their middle names! Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? A: It lives on ice! Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo? A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema! Q: What is a bear's favorite drink? A: Koka-Koala! Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled? A: Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute little bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is a bit surprised that a man would have such a collection of teddy bears, especially one so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him and is actually quite impressed that he can so freely express his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive man they are lying together in the afterglow, the woman leans into him and whispers "Well, how was it?"
The man says..
"Not bad, help yourself more...