Teddy Jokes / Recent Jokes
deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa
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Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
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Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass more...
How do you make a four year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on her teddy bear.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make love. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The woman says, "You can have any prize
Teddy the red-nosed senator
Had a very shiny car
And if you ever saw it
You were probably at a bar.
All of the other senators
Wondered how he got his dames
They thought he drank too many
To play in any bedroom games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say:
"Teddy with your nose so red,
Won't you help me guide my sled?"
That's how the police found them
Wrapped around a maple tree
Teddy the red-nosed senator
He's a drunken S.O.B.
Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!
Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
A; Fred bear!
Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A: A little bear!
Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
A: It lives on ice!
Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!
Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!
Q: What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
A: Tagliateddy!
Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema!
Q: What is a bear's favourite drink?
A: Koka-Koala!