Terror Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain, these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man softly replied, "you have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"
"Well offer him a more...

Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from? Run? to? Hide?.If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to? Surrender?, or even as high as? Collaborate?.

Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of more...

Santa and Banta left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. Banta screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face here!"
Santa sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. Banta rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"
The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"
Banta handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to Santa, rolling up the window in terror.
A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again.
Santa said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now."
All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.
"There he is again," Banta yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, more...

NBC’s sting-operation show “To Catch a Predator” has been making advertisers uneasy. They're worried about being associated with a show in which men are lured to a house by the promise of an underage sexual encounter but are instead caught by the show's host and local police.

Well I've got a show concept that will make everyone happy. The premise is this: There are a lot of child molesters out there, but there are also a lot of underage terrorists.

So if you’re a sexual predator, hang out in the jihad chat rooms and pretend you’re interested in coordinating a terror attack. Arrange a meeting with an aspiring young terrorist, and when he gets there, the NBC folks and Homeland Security will nab him.

Embarrassed, the teen will protest that he came for terrorism, not sex, claiming, "He told me he wanted to buy nerve gas, but when I got there all he wanted was sex!"

The molester will counter, “Hey, I'm just helping the War on more...