Tested Jokes

Twas the night before crisis,
And all through the house,
Not a program was working,
Not even a browse.
Programmers were wrung out,
Too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of cutover
Hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled
All snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries
Danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby
There arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my tube
To see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a Super Programmer,
Oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles,
His programs they came
And he whistled and shouted
And called them by name.
On Update! On Add!
On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing!
On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over,
His fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights
Spent in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
I had more...

Twas the night before crisis, And all through the house, Not a program was working, Not even a browse.Programmers were wrung out, Too mindless to care, Knowing chances of cutoverHadn't a prayer.The users were nestledAll snug in their beds, While visions of inquiriesDanced in their heads.When out in the lobbyThere arose such a clatter, That I sprang from my tubeTo see what was the matter.And what to my wonderingEyes should appear, But a Super Programmer, Oblivious to fear.More rapid than eagles, His programs they cameAnd he whistled and shoutedAnd called them by name.On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete! His eyes were glazed over, His fingers were lean, From weekends and nightsSpent in front of a screen.A wink of his eye, And a twist of his head, Soon gave me to knowI had nothing to dread.He spoke not a word, But went straight to his work, Turning specs into code, Then he turned with a jerk.And laying his fingersUpon the ENTER key, more...

'Twas the night before implementation
and all through the house,
not a system was working,
not even a mouse.
The programmers hung by their tubes in dispair,
in hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of transactions danced in their heads.
When out of the ADC came such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a guru programmer (with a sixpack of beer).
His resume glowed with experience so rare,
and he turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
as he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Inquiry! On Add! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed-over; fingers nimble and lean,
from weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his more...

Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work: Strange... I've never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, it's just a feature. I'm almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. It's just some unlucky coincidence. I can't test everything! THIS can't do THAT. Didn't I fix it already? It's already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but it's not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didn't find it during the system testing? It's a setup problem. And the Ultimate: A smart user more...

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"