Thigh Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks ‘Do you do custom work? ’
‘Why of course! ’
‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh. ’
‘No problem, ’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down and get up on the table. ’
After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.
‘That doesn’t look like them! ’ she complains loudly.
‘Oh yes it does, ’ the artist says indignantly, ‘and I can prove it. ’ With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
‘Well, what do you think? ’ the woman asks, spreading her legs. ‘Do you know who these men are? ’
The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. ‘I’m not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely more...

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon
(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,
has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene
pool.
And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... John
Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the
parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.
The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan
was for John-100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his
friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on
the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found more...

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "if you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."