Tired Jokes / Recent Jokes
A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk does the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blond sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he goes into the lobby. After a minute he comes back with the girl on his arm.
"Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room for the night."
The next morning, he goes to the front desk to settle the bill, and finds the amount to be over three thousand dollars. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk, "I've only been here one night!"
"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."
A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatos won't ripen.
There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatos and she's getting
tired of it.
So she goes to her neighbor and says, ''Your tomatos are ripe, mine are green.
What can I do about it?''
Her neighbor replies, ''Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do.
Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your
clothes off. Tomatos can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and
blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.''
Well, what the heck? She does it.
Next day her neighbor asks how it worked.
''So-so,'' she answers. ''The tomatos are still green but the cucumbers are
all four inches longer.''
Guide for all women "A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING: I'M HUNGRY.I'm hungry. I'M SLEEPY.I'm sleepy. I'M TIRED.I'm tired. I'VE GOTTA GO.Get out of the way and stay away until it clears. WHAT'S WRONG? I more...
THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISHWe need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're. .. so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've started my period This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T. V. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] Yes = No No = No Maybe = No I'm more...
A tired minister was at home resting, and through the window he saw a woman approaching his door. She was one of those too-talkative people, and he was not anxious to talk with her. He said to his wife, "I'll just duck upstairs and wait until she goes away."
An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened... not a sound. He was very pleased, so he started down calling loudly to his wife, "Well, My Dear, did you get rid of that old bore at last?"
The next moment he heard the voice of the same woman caller, and she couldn't possibly have missed hearing him. Two steps down, he saw them both staring up at him. It seemed truly a crisis moment.
The quick-thinking minister's wife answered, "Yes, Dear, she went away over an hour ago. But Mrs. Jones has come to call in the meantime, and I'm sure you'll be glad to greet her."
This chain letter was started by a gentleman in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15, 625 women! One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, four of whom were worth keeping. REMEMBER-this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model! An unmarried Turkish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a well-educated, sweet coed who could both work and not be too tired for fun, and a very attractive and highly successful plastic surgeon more...
A very tired husband came home from the office after a long grueling day to find his wife in her sexiest nightgown waiting for him at the door with a couple of glasses of wine in hand.
She took his briefcase from him and led him over to the couch where she proceeded to help make him "more comfortable."
"How should we do it tonight, honey?" she cooed in his ear, "Shall we do 69?"
"I don't think so dear. I'm pretty tired. How about 68?" he said.
"Huh, 68? What's 68?" she asked, a little puzzled.
"You do me, and I'll owe you one."
Why were the Scouts so tired on April 1?
Because they had just finished a 31 day March!