Tired Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over.
"That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?"
"' Fraid not," said Tommy, a pained expression on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."

There were three Women stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go more...

Dear Friend,
This letter was started by a woman like yourself in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just bundle up yur husband and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list. Then add your name to the bottom of the list and send a copy of this to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.
When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 3,325 men... and one of them are bound to be better than the one you gave up!
DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN... one woman did, and received her own jerk back!
At this writing, a friend of mine had already received 184 men; they buried her yesterday but it took four undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off her face.
We're counting on you,
A Satisified Woman

Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived in a house that had train tracks running behind it. The boy's father always warned him against playing around the train tracks, but boys will be boys so he often played around the tracks despite the warnings from his father.
One day, after playing by the tracks all afternoon, the tired and sat down on the tracks to rest. Before he knew it, a train came by, ran over his ass, and cut part of it off.
When the boy's father came home and discovered what had happened, he told the boy that not only would he have to go through the rest of his life missing part of his ass, that he was greatly disappointed in him for not heeding his warnings.
That night, unable to sleep, the boy laid in bed pondering about going through the rest of his life half ass and how disappointed his father was at him. Suddenly he had an idea. He went out to the tracks and began searching for the lost part of his ass. If only he can find it, he thought, I more...

A red head, a brunette, and a blond are stranded on an island.
first the red head says im going to get off this stupid island, and jumps in the water swims 1/4 of the way to land and gets tired and drowns.
the Brunnette also decides to leave and jumps in the water swims 1/3 of the way gets tired and drowns.
The blond says well i might as well try, and jumps in the water swims 1/2 of the way, gets tired and swims back.

The Top 10 Reasons Not To Stay in West Virginia
& & 1. Contrary to what the lousy song says, Country Roads do NOT always take you home.
& & 2. You dream of a life that will involve a paved road.
& & 3. You grow tired of tourists stopping by, asking for directions to the state of "South Virginia", and driving off in a fit of laughter.
& & 4. You`re stuck with AM Radio... AM COUNTRY radio.
& & 5. You`ve grown tired of seeing the group "Glass Tiger" at the local Acorn Festival each year.
& & 6. The sheep won`t take your "abuse" anymore and they are planning a revolt.
& & 7. Hayrides are still limited to just 10 mph.
& & 8. The local theatre`s performance of "Les Miserables" left something, no A LOT, to be desired.
& & 9. You`ve had it with those pesky revenuers destroying your stills of "shine".
& 10. No matter how hard you try, your cows don`t appear receptive to chasing or catching that more...

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now
"I love you, more...