Tom Jokes / Recent Jokes
One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked." Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked." Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. Abe replied, "Go to the theater."
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
“Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked! ”
“That’s all fine” said the boss, ” But where were you yesterday? ”
One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington`s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Clinton didn`t sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln`s ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.
"Go to the theatre."
Dr: ur weight?
Tom: with specs it is 75 kgs
Dr: without specs...!
Tom: don't know, i won't be able 2 see...
Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar. Hawk said," I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60."Tom looked at him, amazed. " Breaking 60? Thats amazing!"Hawk smiled and said," Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that fast!"
Tom Swifties are a kind of a pun where the way the speaker is described makes the quote into a pun...
"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.
"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.
"I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.
"Who would want to steal modern art?" asked Tom abstractedly.
"Now I can chop down that tree," said Tom with a heavy accent.
"Let's all play an A, a C sharp, and an E," cried Tom's band with one accord.
"I gave the donkey some vinegar," said Tom acidly.
"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.
"They are not answering - we'd better more...
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasnt happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"