Tombstone Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband gave his wife a gift ~ a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife ~ cold as ever."
Later, the furious wife bought a return gift ~ also a tombstone ~ on which the inscription read: Here lies my husband ~ stiff at last."

There was an old maid who lived in a small village. In spite of her old age, she was very proud of the fact that she was still a virgin. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she informed the local undertaker that she wished to have the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Shortly thereafter, the old maid died peacefully and the undertaker told his men what she had said. The men went to carve it in, but being the lazy no-goods they were, they felt the inscription was unnecessarily long. Instead, they simply wrote:
"Return unopened."

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark,' That's Strange.'"

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That`s Strange".

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the more...

A lawyer, named Thomas Strange, was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies Thomas Strange, an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave, and the authorities would be confused. However, I could put' Here lies an honest lawyer.'"
"But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer.
"Sure they will," replied the stonecutter. "Everyone who reads it will think,' That's Strange!'"

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.
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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up And no place to go.
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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle
in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.
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In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallenstein wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.
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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan more...