Tommy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
"What have you done Tommy O'Connor?"
"I had sex with a girl."
"Who was it, Tommy?"
"I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?"
"No father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was."
"Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?"
"No father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Well then it has to be, Sarah Martha O'Keefe."
"No father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was."
"Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary's and 4 Our Fathers and you will be abolished of your sin."
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph was waiting. "What did ya get?" asked Joseph.
"Well I got 5 hail Mary's, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads."
The teacher confronted Tommy as soon as he walked in the classroom one morning.
"Tommy," she scolded, "why weren't you at school yesterday?"
"Well, Miss Ryan, my grandpa got burned," explained Tommy.
"Oh my, I hope he wasn't hurt too badly," the teacher said with concern.
"Oh yes, Miss Ryan," Tommy said. "They don't mess around at those crematoriums, you know!"
Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher,
"What's that, Miss?"
Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy."
Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a fucking pig!"
Tommy says to the teacher "Miss. would you ever punish me for something i didn't do?"
The teacher replies "No, Tommy of course not"
"Good cause i didn't do my homework!"
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.
After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom more...
Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman, "the detectives want him very badly."
So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried
tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything that
they could think of. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, they took Tommy
down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on
his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight
to his room and starts studying. Books and paper are spread out all
over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed.
She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he
marches back to his room without a word. In no time he is back hitting
the books as hard as before. This goes on for some time, day after day,
while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, Little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it
on the table and goes more...