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TOP 10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (and what they actually mean)


10. I think of you as a brother.. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")


9. There's a slight difference in our ages.. (I don't want to do my dad)


8. I'm not attracted to you in' that' way.. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)


7. My life is too complicated right now.. I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)


6. I've got a boyfriend. . (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's)..


5. I don't date men where I work.. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same' solar system', much less the same building.)


4. It's not you, it's me.. (It's you.)


3. I'm concentrating on my career.. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than more...

10) They call me' Don Juan in diaper'. 9) I'm a 400 pound hunk of burnin' love. 8) Let's enjoy the traditional Japanese custom of gettin' it on. 7) Wanna wrassle? 6) I may look tubby, but I got an ass like a jackhammer. 5) People say I look like a young Paul Newman. 4) Wanna do it with a fat guy? 3) I'm 3 percent muscle, 50 percent fat, and 100 percent sex machine. 2) You can be on top. 1) I've got Mount Fuji in my pants

SANTA Singh and Banta Singh went to the market to buy new glasses for drinking lassi. They entered a crockery shop and saw the glasses. Usually glasses are kept upside down in crockery shops. Looking at the glasses, a conversation took place between them:
Santa Singh:' Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it?'
Banta Singh:' Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!

Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your more...

10. Top Ramen 9. Plastic covered furniture 8. Motorola pager 7. Acura Integra w/ curb side scrapers, fog lights, spoiler, rims, etc.. 6. Rice cooker 5. Anything with Sanrio on it 4. Karaoke machine 3. A college degree 2. Joy Luck Club video 1. Family =)

Once upon a time, in the Christmas Tree Forest there lived the
Christmas fairies. They spent most of their time practising
sitting on top of the Christmas trees. There was just one rule
they had to stick to... it was strictly forbidden for a fairy to
kiss anyone!
The trouble was that Floella was a wicked little fairy. One day
Harry the Hare was hopping through the forest when he saw Floella
sitting on top of a toadstool, combing her hair. Floella said,
"Hello, handsome, give us a kiss!"
Harry the Hare was shocked. "Father Christmas doesn't allow that! he gasped. "Anyone caught kissing a fairy will be turned straight
away into Goon!"
But Floella tickled his ears - just the way hares love and
whispered, "Don't worry, we won't get caught!"
Harry the Hare trembled with fear and excitement. He looked
carefully over his furry brown shoulder, saw that no one was
looking. .. and more...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below. When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick. The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox. From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash more...