Touch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your more...
There was this blonde and she was sitting in the car with her older brother! She tried to touch his radio and he said "Dont touch that or i will be you up!" so she waited a little bit a few seconds later she touched his horn. She said "What wil the horn do if i touch it?" The brother replyed " IT WILL HONK!"
DOH! DOH! DOH!
There is a red-headed women who walks into the doctors room and says "My entire body hurts no matter were I touch it hurts." So the red-head started to touch herself everywhere to ahow the doctor that it hurt. The doctor went up yo the red-head and asked "Your a blonde arnt you?" the women replied "Yes." the doctor said "Yea your finger is broken.
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm! "
"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm? " asks the surgeon.
"Just great" says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My
new arm has a much more...
Travelling together once were a Russian, an American & the saviour of our nation - Sardarji!!! Each of them wanted to prove that their country was the greatest. Said the Russian, " We have a rocket that could touch the sky." "We dont believe it ", said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. below the sky"
Not to be out done the American said, " We have a submarine that can touch the ocean-bed of the deepest part on this planet."
"We don't believe it ", said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. above the ocean-bed"
Our hero with a smile on his face said, "In our country we all eat
with our nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
One day, this young boy and his Grandfather were fishing in a boat out on a lake. The Grandfather pulls out a beer from his cooler and starts drinking it. The boy asks "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa replies, "When your willie's long enough to touch your ass, then you'll be old enough and I will give you one."
A little later the Grandfather pulls out a long cigar. The boy asks "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" He replies " If your willie can touch your ass, then you can have one."
Later that day the boy pulls out a snack pack and starts eating it. The Grandfather asks, "Grandson, can I get one of those?"
The boy asks, "Can your willie touch your ass?"
The Grandfather says "Yes it can."
The boy says, "Then go screw yourself."
If god had meant me to touch my toes he would have put chocolate on the floor.