Touch Jokes / Recent Jokes

>>To All Men Traveling the Airways
>>
>>The Gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts
>>to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied. The
stewardess
>>noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look
>>of pain and anxiety on his face.
>>
>>"Sir", she said, "The ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it
>>if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He was
>>about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her
>>terms.
>>
>>The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling,
>>he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white
>>buttons were identified by the letters: "WW", "WA", and "PP", and
>>there was one red button labeled "ATR".
>>
>>Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn't just sit
>>there and more...

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me"."Why not", he asks.She answers back, "Because I'm dead".The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another".The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead."Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"His wife answers, "I know I'm dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"

ORIGAMI
Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can`t even get it out of the drive?

SMOKE
Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.

PIRANHAS
If you don`t have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.

MAGNETS
They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can`t find any, you more...

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer." A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said "Then your not man enough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of the house with a cookie. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?" The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?" Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied, "Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."

Bholaji goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I ache all over. Every where I touch it hurts."

The doc says "Ok, touch your elbow."
Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doc, surprised, says "touch your head."
Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony.

The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell.

The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc... and tells Bhola to come back after two days.

Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your problem..."

"Oh yeah? what is it? "

'You've broken your finger!'

Thank you for calling 217-2962. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

Two sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back
Up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.. They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again... During their fourth descent the pilot says: "look at those stupid americans, they build this huge expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", "i know" answers the second pilot, "but look how
Wide they made it...."