Toughest Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.

These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.

I don't know how I pulled through it.... It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."

The 5 toughest questions that women ask men, and the answers...
The questions are:
1.
What are you thinking about?
2.
Do you love me?
3.
Do I look fat?
4.
Do you think she is prettier than me?
5.
What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How more...

The 5 toughest questions that women ask men, and the answers...The questions are:1.What are you thinking about? 2.Do you love me? 3.Do I look fat? 4.Do you think she is prettier than me? 5.What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the more...

Two farmers were discussing which one had the meanest, toughest dog. One, who had a very mean looking Doberman, insisted that his was the meanest and toughest and that it could lick any other dog in the country. The second just looked at his mangy, old, yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country.
Well, after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out. After a very brief snarling match, the old, yellow dog leapt on the Doberman and killed it outright.
The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turned to the other farmer and asked, "What kind of dog did you say yours is?"
The first farmer replied, "Well, before he lost his tail, we called him a Mountain Lion!"

What is the toughest animal in the world? The sheep that steel wool comes from...

Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gores life? A: Grade six.

A sheep herder made it in to San Antonio, Texas, after 10 years in the bush.
He found a saloon and approached the bar tender. He told the bartender "I need a woman."
The bartender said, "There are women all over San Antone for a price."
The sheep herder replied, "Just any woman won't do. I ain't fucked nothin' but goats 'n sheep for the last ten years. They got cockle burrs 'n mesquite thorns around their pussy and my old dick is tough with calluses on it, and I need a good tough piece of ass."
So the bartender tells him, "Well, you're in luck. The toughest broad in all San Antonio has a room right up stairs." The bartender picks up the phone contacts the lady, explains the situation, and tells the sheep herder to go
on up.
The sheep herder gets a small ice bucket with two Lone Star long necks (the favorite brew in San Atone), and proceeds up the stairs.
When he gets to the room he says, "The barkeep told me you more...