Trousers Jokes / Recent Jokes

What is the difference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trousers and Superman wears it over the
trousers.

A guy was at the supermarket and after buying a few things he began to queue up in this really long line for the checkout.
After about 15 minutes in the line he reached the checkout girl and just at that moment he remembered that he needed some condoms. Not wanting to line up again he said to the girl "Oh I meant to buy some condoms but forgot"
"Do you know what size you are?" she asked. "No," he replied.
"OK drop your pants and I'll tell you what size you are".
The guy then, not being the shy type, drops his trousers and the girl has a feel with her hand and then says in the microphone "1 packet of large condoms to aisle 3 please", he pulls up his trousers, the condoms are brought to him and he pays his bill and goes on his way. Another male customer sees this and thinks he'd like to have this nice girl fondling his prick and so says the same thing to the girl.
A similar course of events takes place, only this more...

Rule One~: If you pull into my driveway and honk
you'd better be delivering a package, because
you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two~: You do not touch my daughter in front of
me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not
peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will
remove them.
Rule Three~: I am aware that it is considered
fashionable for boys of your age to wear their
trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult,
but you and all of your friends are complete
idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You
may come to the door with your underwear showing
and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not
object. However, in order to ensure that your
clothes do not, in fact come off during the course
of you date with more...

Santa and Banta are visting London for the first time. They see a sign reading, "Suits Pound 15, Shirts Pound 2, Trousers Pound 3."
"Wow," says Banta. "we should snap up some of these bargains and sell them at a profit when we get home."
Santa agrees and they go into the shop.
"Twenty suits, 50 shirts and 30 pairs of trousers, please," says Santa to the assitant behind the counter.
"You're not from around here, are you?" said the assistant.
"No," answered Banta. "How did you know?"
The assistant replies, "This is a dry cleaners."

An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!" Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN!!"

An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I`m sorry," The girl tells him. "We can`t allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it`s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!" Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don`t worry about it... you`ve seen one, you`ve seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW... but this one`s eating my POPCORN!!"

Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!