Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, "Thank Heavens I''ve made it in time! Have you any turkey?"
The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only turkey, and puts it onto the scale. It weighs 41/2 pounds.
"Ah, haven''t you anything bigger?" the woman inquires.
The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 1/ 4 pounds.
"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I''ll have both of them please."
There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. more...
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
A woman went into a pet shop and said to the man, "I want a parrot
but sell me one that definitely talks."
The man sold her a parrot, saying, "This one definitely talks."
The woman took him home, set his cage up on a table and said to
the parrot, "Ok, talk."
The parrot said, "Show me your tits." The woman was outraged. So
she put him in the refrigerator. After a while, she took him out
and said, "So talk."
Again, the parrot said, "Show me your tits." The woman, to show
the parrot his place, put him in the fridge for a longer time and
the same thing happened. She was quite annoyed. This time she
put him in the freezer.
There was a turkey in the freezer. The parrot said to the turkey,
"How did you get here? Did you ask for a blowjob?"
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald' n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too more...