Twelve Jokes / Recent Jokes
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter
festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous
relationship gave to me
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual
drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of
members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called
for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to
play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the
patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal
products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned more...
New York Governor James Patterson is debating wether or not to cut state prisoners bread allowance down from twelve slices a day. Twelve slices of bread for prisoners? Thats enough bread to kill Mama Kass six times.
An explorer is searching in the Amazon jungle for this lost tribe whose women are reputed to have vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches long.
Finally he finds the tribe and is invited to sit down with the chief.
"Is it correct," he says to the chief, "that your women have vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches long?"
"That correct, man," says the chief.
"However do you manage to have sex with women with vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches long?" inquires the explorer.
"The chief looks at him as if he were an idiot and says, "They stretch, man. They stretch!"
THE TWELVE DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS
The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup
The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.
The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A. S. P. C. more...
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick pour me twelve drinks." So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, "Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast." The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got." The bartender says, "What've you got?" The guy says, "75 cents." bar, drinking
Mr. Peanut never talked "A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He starts eating the beer nuts at the bar and he hears a voice say,
"Wow! You look GREAT tonight!"
The man looks over at the bartender who didn't say anything and just keeps drinking and eating beer nuts and he hears something again!
"That's an awesome shirt! You are amazing!"
He looks around and he's the only guy in the place so asks the bartender if he had heard anything more...
A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance." I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team." "Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly. The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter' T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in' Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with' T'?" The Polak said, "Two!""Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?" "Today and Tomorrow!""Hmm... OK," said the coach." How many seconds are there in a year?" "Twelve!""Twelve? How did you come up more...
A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter.
"Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."
"Okay," says the blonde.
"Here's your question: name two days of the week
that begin with the letter T."
"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"
"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you another question. How many seconds are there in a year?"
"That's easy. Twelve!"
"Twelve?"
"January second, February second, March second - "
"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well.
Well, Okay. I'll give you one more chance. What's God's name?"
"That's easy. Ollie !"
"Ollie ?"
"You know - 'Our Father, who art more...