Type Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ten ways to know that you're addicted to your computer:-
10) When you begin to laugh you yell, LOL.
9) You tell your computer you love it, more than you tell your spouse.
8) Your house catches on fire and you run home to save your computer before your family.
7) Your computer is your ONLY friend.
6) You think cyber sex is better than real sex.
5) You type only in short hand (YO ROFLMAO I'LL BRB B4 U RTFM LOL).
4) You type 40 words a minute with two fingers.
3) Your twins are named RAM & ROM.
2) After breaking from your computer, you realize you have gained 40lbs, have grown hair in unusual places, your spouse and kids have left you, and Windows 3.1 is outdated.
1) YOU READ STUFF LIKE THIS!
Good Afternnoon, Ridge Hall, computer assistant; may I help you?"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."What sort of trouble?"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words wentaway."Went away?"They disappeared."Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"Nothing."Nothing?"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"How do I tell?"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"What's a sea-prompt?"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."Does your monitor have a power indicator?"What's a monitor?"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does ithave a little light that tells you when it's on?"I don't know."Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the powercord goes into it. Can you see that?... more...
Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.
Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you".
However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive
phrases into plain English:
dandy little house keeper:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses
fine character:
She's ugly
knows how to handle money:
She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours
spotless reputation:
She's ugly
strong family ties:
She's a Mafia Princess
loves children:
She's pregnant and needs a husband
wonderful personality:
She's fat
great sense of humor:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say
the outdoor type:
She hunts, fishes, chews more...
1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor`s door.
4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn`t. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
7. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds."
8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can`t do the paper because you`re not sure if the more...
Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date. Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you". However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive phrases into plain English: dandy little house keeper:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses fine character:
She's ugly knows how to handle money:
She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours spotless reputation:
She's ugly strong family ties:
She's a Mafia Princess loves children:
She's pregnant and needs a husband wonderful personality:
She's fat great sense of humor:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say the outdoor type:
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys ready to more...
While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec. bat file. He said it said "File not found". I told him to do a dir. I asked him if he saw autoexec. bat listed. He said, "Well it says autoexec, then there's some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat." I said type this in "type autoexec. bat". Again he got "File not found". I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed. He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat'.