Uncle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thanks for the electric guitar you gave me for Christmas, ” little Chris Cody said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. “It’s the best present I ever got. ”

”That’s great, ” said his uncle. “Do you know how to play it? ”

”Oh, I don’t play it, ” the little fellow said. “My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!"
Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. "You should have said,' The bull is surprising the cow'- not some filth you picked up in the City," he says.
A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. "Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!
The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, "Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot' surprise' more than one cow at a time you know...."
"Yes he can!" replies his obstinate nephew, "He's fucking the horse!"

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down more...

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand."My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He more...

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteerto tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto theroad." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of more...

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones... The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia. ....... U. GoghThe brother who bleached all his clothes white. . Hue GoghThe sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars. .. Go GoghThe real obnoxious brother. ......... Please GoghThe brother who ate prunes. ........... Gotta GoghThe uncle who worked at a convenience store. ...... Stop N GoghHis dizzy aunt. ............ Verti GoghThe cousin that moved to Illinois. ........ Chicah GoghHis magician uncle. ............. Wherediddy GoghThe cousin who lived in Mexico. ......... Amee GoghAnother cousin who lived in Mexico. ........ Green GoghNephew that drove a stage coach. ......... Wells Far GoghAunt who was a good dancer. ............. Tan Gogh