Uniform Jokes / Recent Jokes
What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals? A guard dog!
A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.'s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say's, "Why yes I am... you wanna wear my hat?" The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head. As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in. He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down his chest. The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, "Hey, are you a Marine?" The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and responded, "That's right! Why? Do wanna suck me off?" The boy replied nervously, "I-I-I'm not in the Army!! I'm just wearing his hat!!"Sent by Brian
It was the eve of battle, and the general was frightened. Thinking to shore up his courage by reading about the great generals of-the past, he picked up a book on Napoleon and learned that the great French leader wore a red uniform so his men wouldn't panic if he were wounded. Taking a leaf from Napoleon's book, the general summoned his orderly and immediately requested a brown uniform.
Herewith is a compendium of movie clichés, stereotypes, obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, shopworn conventions and outdated archetypes. The author says that as you go to enough different movies, you start to notice things. Like how every time there's a chase scene in an exotic locale, a fruit cart gets overturned. Or how whenever the hero knocks out a Nazi sentry and puts on his uniform, the uniform is a perfect fit. Or how there are plots that would be over in five minutes, if all characters weren't idiots. Actress Inferior Position - In movie sex scenes, which are usually directed by men, the POV (Point of View) at the moment of climax is almost always the man's, so that we see the actress, not the actor, losing control. AC-WAT-NOBI Movie - A Cop With A Theory No One Believes In. Against All Odds Rule - In an apparently fatal situation from which there is no possible hope of survival, it is certain the characters will survive. In a situation where there is any apparent chance more...
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If... Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a monthHe paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacellesYou have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"He refers to Klingons as "Critters"He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foilThere is a stuffed possum in the Ready RoomHe installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer sectionHe says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks standHe hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreenHe rewires his communicator into his belt buckleHe replicates items from the Graceland gift shopThe primary colour of the Starship is "bondo"He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above itHe says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "E"gage"He can't wait to go off-duty, so more...