Values Jokes

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Polymorphic constants
Rather than create specialized logic for different situations, you can
change the interpreters beliefs about constants. For example, the more...

In view of recent admonitions against jokes maligning any
class of people, I thought I'd put together some examples
of humor that are approved within the Tandem Values. Note
how these jokes arise from existing ones that are not
permitted, showing that humor can be found anywhere.
WRONG: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
This joke is offensive to two classes of people, blondes and
coffee drinkers. It might also offend people who do not drink
coffee for religious reasons.
RIGHT: Why can't pigmentally-challenged individuals take a short
rest between job tasks?
Because the Mail Police are reading this joke.
WRONG: How do you kill a pink elephant?
This joke has many problems, as it is offensive to environmentalists,
vegetarians, and elephants of all colors. It also promotes racism
and classism among elephants, and, perhaps, among other species as
well. It should not be sent to the HUMOR sig for these reasons.
RIGHT: more...

Ever wonder which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of cartoon characters. The gathered information has been incorporated into this quiz.Answer each question with the choice that most describes you at this point in your life, then add up the points that correspond with your answers. >1. Which describes your perfect date? a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement Park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock Concert
e) See a movie >2. What is your favorite type of music? a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Christian >3. What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary >4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only
>these choices? a) Waiter/Waitress
b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender >5. Which would you rather do if more...

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: A. the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: A. the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: A. find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: A. my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? I am: A. more...

The Family Research Council, the nation's #1 "family values" organization, is holding a "Values Voters Summit" to support political candidates who share their, "beliefs and values."
To celebrate this occasion, I would like to affirm my beliefs:
- I believe in capital punishment, and since I was a former teacher, I believe in starting it at the 8th grade level.
- I believe in the right to life-that the fetus has the same rights as we do, and that it should have to stand in line at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles like the rest of us.
- I believe that everyone should abstain from sex before marriage, because only after marriage can one truly realize the horrible mistake they have made.
- I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and that gay people should be able to get married because they deserve to have their sex life destroyed just like everyone else.
- I believe that no man should be able to dress like a woman because there are plenty more...