Violin Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
A: The bow is moving.
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Sit in the back and don`t play.
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.
Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: A viola burns longer.
Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin?
A: It is usually still in the case.
Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit has in common?
A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Q: Which is smaller, a violin or a viola?
A: They are actually the same size, but a violinist`s head is so much bigger.
Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.
Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.
Q: What is the difference between a violist and a more...
Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving. Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play. Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes. Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer. Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case. Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed. Q: Which is smaller, a violin or a viola? A: They are actually the same size, but a violinist's head is so much bigger. Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile? A: Both are offensive and inaccurate. Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? A: Put it in a viola case. Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers. Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek? A: Because no one will look for them. Q: Why shouldn't violists take more...
Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy."
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world."
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."
Dear guy playing electric violin in the Union Square subway station in NYC,
I hate you.
I hate you because the "music" you're playing feels like crossbow bolts being shot into my head at close range.
I hate you because you have a long, frizzy ponytail and black jeans.
I hate you because your sonic assault is bouncing off the tiled walls and low ceiling of the subway station and is making me feel like I'm having a stroke.
I hate you because of that cheesy, "sexy illusionist" face you're making. Seriously, stop arching that eyebrow.
I hate you because "Rock Violin" is not a thing. Plugging it in does not change that.
I hate you because you've managed to gather a small crowd of overweight tourists that I'm forced to walk around.
I hate you because you have a CD of your work for sale in your open electric violin case.
I hate you because it sounds like you're killing a creature that is half cat, half baby.
But most of more...
My brother's been practising the violin for ten years.
'Is he any good?'
'No, it was nine years before he found out he wasn't supposed to blow
Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?" Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."
Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument? Violins don't have spit valves.