Virginia Jokes / Recent Jokes
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Ever'thing was a perfect except for da train a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My beautifula Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a' forward to da trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say,' No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'"
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big'a lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino. Conductor come again, wag his'a finger and say,' No drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'"
"So we more...
Two men from West Virginia went hunting. They were named Billy and Jimmy. Billy said to Jimmy, "Shoot at any deer that moves."
They both went to different tree stands. Well, Billy forgot his smokes and went to ask Jimmy for a cigarette. When Billy started going over to Jimmy, Jimmy shot him.
Jimmy took him to the hospital and the doctor comes out. Jimmy asks, "Will he be O.K. Doc?"
The doctor said, "Sure, if you hadn't field dressed him in the woods."
What REALLY happened as the Torch made its way through our our
nation's capital:
3:15 Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol
3:30 Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole.
5:00 One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch.
5:15 Torch enters Northeast Washington
5:16 First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs.
6:00 After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn shop and
repurchased for $25
6:15 Torch arrives at city hall. Crowd is dismayed when Marion
Barry uses it to light his crack pipe.
6:20 Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying to take
the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal".
6:30 Torch heads into Northwest Washington
6:35 Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole.
6:45 Torch is recovered (runner is never found).
6:55 Torch arrives at Dupont Circle. Residents are proud to have
such a high profile "flame" in their area.
7:00 Torch runner attempts to hand off more...
The Top 10 Reasons Not To Stay in West Virginia
Contrary to what the lousy song says, Country Roads do NOT always take you home.
You dream of a life that will involve a paved road.
You grow tired of tourists stopping by, asking for directions to the state of "South Virginia", and driving off in a fit of laughter.
You're stuck with AM Radio... AM COUNTRY radio.
You've grown tired of seeing the group "Glass Tiger" at the local Acorn Festival each year.
The sheep won't take your "abuse" anymore and they are planning a revolt.
Hayrides are still limited to just 10 mph.
The local theatre's performance of "Les Miserables" left something, no A LOT, to be desired.
You've had it with those pesky revenuers destroying your stills of "shine".
No matter how hard you try, your cows don't appear receptive to chasing or catching that more...
It seems we've seen yet another shooting at a college campus, this time at Northern Illinois. This feels like the fourth one I've heard of since Virginia Tech.
Jesus. And here I thought wearing pajamas to class was a stupid fad...
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?" The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"