Volunteers Jokes

On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..."

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients` bedsides.When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

12: 00 High noon, and tensions are high as well. Management is hiding inside the depot, so to set an example for the world and save face we will have to beat one of our own union members into a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Volunteers are requested.

12: 01 No one volunteers. Morale seems low. This could be a long strike.

12: 02 We randomly select one union member to "volunteer." In what is surely a meaningless coincidence, this turns out to be the smallest, stupidest and most fragile worker there.

12: 03 The plan is stymied when our "volunteer" runs away with our only baseball bat. Recreational events for the weekend will have to be cancelled....

13: 00 After only one hour, I am already bored and frozen, stiff being the appropriate adjective in each case.

14: 12 Newspapers (the Province), books (Plato`s Republic) and radios (CKNW talkshows) are abandoned when one of our union brothers reveals his former more...

On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats.
In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.
About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said,
"If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..."

There are four guys on a plane, an Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and a Texan. The pilot comes out and says WE ARE LOSING ALTITUDE, THROW OUT YOUR LUGGAGE!!! So they throw out their luggage.
A few minutes later, he comes out again, and says WE ARE STILL LOSING ALTITUDE, SOMEONE IS GONNA HAVE TO JUMP!!! So the Englishman volunteers. He walks up to the door, yells LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!!! and jumps out.
A few minutes later, he comes out again, and says WE ARE STILL LOSING ALTITUDE, SOMEONE ELSE IS GONNA HAVE TO JUMP!!! So the Frenchman volunteers. He walks up to the door, yells VIVA LE FRANCE!!! and jumps out.
A few minutes later, he comes out again, and says WE ARE STILL LOSING ALTITUDE, SOMEONE ELSE IS GONNA HAVE TO JUMP!!! So the Texan volunteers. He walks up to the door, yells REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!! and throws out the Mexican!!!