Vulture Jokes / Recent Jokes

-What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
-What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.
-What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
-What's the difference between a lawyer on a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?
The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside.
-What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A vulture doesn't get Frequent Flyer points.
-What's the other difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Vultures can't take their wing tips off.
-What's one more difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Vultures wait' till you're dead to rip your heart out.
-What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
-What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the more...

Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working? A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement? A: Not enough cement. Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell? A: Another lawyer. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to change it, and one to kick the stool out from under him. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford? Q: What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer? A: The vulture eventually lets go. Person 1: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money. Person 2: Why do you say that? Person 1: Listen to this from his bill:' For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25. 00'. more...

1. Shouldn't a guy with your IQ have a low voice too?
2. After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
3. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.
4. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
5. You are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.
6. You've got diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
7. I wonder whether you'd still be an idiot if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
8. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
9. Your job must be to spread ignorance.
10. Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be left out alone.
11. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
12. You should need a license to be that ugly.
13. Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
14. Every boy has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.
15. Grasp your ears firmly and remove your more...

What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
The nearest cemetery.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed.

What do you call a vulture with no beak? A head banger.

what is the difference between a jewish mother and a vulture?
a vulture waits till your dead before it eats your heart out.