Weighs Jokes / Recent Jokes

What’s big and grey with horns?
An elephant marching band!
What`s yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?
An elephant disguised as a banana!
What`s big, grey and flies straight up?
An elecopter!
What`s grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when you’re ill?
A get wellephant!
What`s grey and never needs ironing?
A drip dry elephant!
What`s big and grey and red?
A sunburnt elephant!
What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn`t pay his bill?
"Pack your trunk and clear out!"
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
Take all the matches out first!
What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
An elephant holding its breath! What’s grey, has four legs and jumps up and down?
An elephant on a trampoline!
What`s grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?
An elephant with hiccups!
What`s grey and goes round and round?
An elephant in a more...

A Sailor In A Bar Leans Over To The Guy Next To Him And Says, "Wanna Hear A Marine Joke?"

The Guy Next To Him Replies, "Well, Before You Tell That Joke, You Should Know Something. I'm 6' Tall, 200 Lbs, And I'm A Marine. The Guy Sitting Next To Me Is 6'2" Tall, Weighs 225, And He's A Marine. The Fella Next To Him Is 6'5" Tall, Weighs 250, And He's Also A Marine. Now, You Still Wanna Tell That Joke?"

The Sailor Says, "Nah, I Don't Want To Have To Explain It Three Times."

George W Bush, Dick Cheny and Bush`s mama, Barbara, are having a holiday at the North Pole. George W weighs. .. Well, we know how light he is. Cheny weighs so much, and Miss Barabara, well, we won`t mention a lady`s weight. One day, the three of them are having a trip on a sleigh.

Suddenly, they see a polar bear behind them. Quickly, they throw out all the luggage behind them, but this doesn`t help: the bear comes closer.

They realise that one of the three will have to sacrifice himself or herself so that the two others will be able to escape.

"You should do it", George W. says to Cheny, "The bear will need more time to eat you then to eat me. We can`t expect Mama, here, to fight the bear."

"I guess you`re right", Cheny says. As he jumps out of the sleigh, he shouts, "For the G-O-P!", and gets killed by the bear.

"Thank God for my brains", George W. says, smirks. But, the bear more...

A fellow was ordered by his Dr. to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.
"Guaranteed like hell" he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them and subscribes to the 3 day/10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weightloss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows more...

A fellow was ordered by his Dr. to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM."Guaranteed like hell" he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them and subscribes to the 3 day/10 pound weight loss program.The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck.She introduces herself as a representative of the weightloss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two more...

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well, without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't). A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company does business. For the next two more...

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program.Guaranteed like hell," he thinks to himself. "But lets see what they think they can do." He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through, he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, "I like the way this company more...