Western Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Mr. Blix,
Welcome to Iraq! It is so good of you and your Weapons Inspectors to visit my humble nation once again. My people are overjoyed to assist the totally neutral and gloriously impotent UN in serving their American Masters. I realize that many of you would much rather be touring the Third World for some magnificently ineffective do-nothing NGO, but alas you are here compromising your values on behalf of Western oil companies.
Before you wipe the blood from your hands and get down to the business of concocting reasons for the US to bomb us back to the stone ages of 1991, I thought I'd help reorient you to the ways of magical Baghdad with a few "Dos" and "Don'ts".
DO:
Slavishly patronize Baghdad locals with chocolate bars and worthless Western baubles. Nothing ingratiates us more to intrusive throngs of chubby, sweaty, lobster-red warmongers then when they pass out meaningless tchotkes to us Third World "savages". We will remember more...

10. You have named your son as' Baba' and your daughter as' Ratna'.[Baba and Ratna are two popular Zarda (tobacco) brands, in India]

9. You are getting too many offers to act in Dracula films.

8. You threatened to kill the PAAN SHOP guy for giving you a' meetha' (sweet) Paan instead of a Zarda (tobacco) Paan.

7. When there are no Paan shops around, you climb an Eucalyptus tree and start chewing the leaves.

6. Customs people start inspecting your tooth cavities for smuggled goods.

5. Western folks stare at you and ask what dye you used for your teeth?

4. Buffaloes stare at you and wonder why you are also ruminating like them.
3. You accidentally spat on the guy in the Tinopal dress, going for an interview, and he beat the hell out of you.
2. You have been caned in Singapore for littering the streets.
1. Your wife/girl-friend insists that you kiss her on her cheeks.

From the 1/26/96 editorial page of the Manchester Union Leader,
with credits to the Western Journalism Center:
In the New Mexico Legislature's 1995 session, Sen.
Duncan Scott, a Republican from Albuquerque, proposed an amendment
to a psychologist regulatory bill offered by another senator.
The Scott amendment would have dramatically changed the face
of New Mexico's legal system:
The amendment said: ''When a psychologist or psychiatrist testifies
during a defendant's competentcy hearing, the psychologist or
psychiatrist shall wear a cone-shaped hat that is not less than
two feet tall. The surface of the hat shall be imprinted
with stars and lightning bolts.
''Additionally, a psychologist or psychiatrist shall be required
to don a white beard that is not less than 18 inches in length,
and shall punctuate crucial elements of his testimony by
stabbing the air with a wand. Whenever a psychologist or
psychiatrist provides more...

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on. The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," "You're on," returned his wife. They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon. .. dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie before." She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too. But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."