Western Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."
The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it's urgent! I'll do anything to get a message to her."
The clerk replies "Anything?"
"Yes... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde.
He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants."
She does. "Take it out", says the clerk."
She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead and do it..."
She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"

Taiwan may soon just be raising dogs to be pets and not as the main ingredients for stews and stir-fries. In a preliminary vote, Taiwan's legislature has passed a bill that bans people from selling or eating dog meat. The legislation is expected to be formally passed next month, officials said. "Westerners treat dogs as their best friends or family members and we should no longer tolerate such savage practices," said Cheng Tao-lung, who works for a lawmaker who supported the bill. Under the proposed law, those selling or eating dog meat will be fined 10, 000 Taiwan dollars (210). Food stalls serving dog meat were once easy to find around Taiwan. Many Taiwanese believe the meat is nutritious and strengthens the body against the winter cold. In recent years, a growing number of Taiwanese have stopped eating dogs and most of the dog meat restaurants are in rural areas.

An Englishman, roused by a Scot's scorn of his race, protested that he was born an Englishman and hoped to die an Englishman.
"Man," scoffed the Scot, "hiv ye nae ambeetion?"

A brief profile of men afflicted with "yellow fever" ORIGINS: Asiaphiles are typically found residing in major U. S. cities, although increasing numbers have been venturing overseas in their quest to "get an oree-enul woman". NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH: Intelligent, non-racist and socially-functional men who are free of fetishes and racial bias. CHARACTER TRAITS: - Poorly developed masculine identities, pathetically uncomfortable with themselves, inept at romance with women of their own race. - Resentment of white females' assertive, strong-willed personality traits (whether real or perceived). - Ignorant and narrow-minded, eager to adopt fallacious western media stereotypes of Asian women. - Desperate need to assume a dominant, father-like role in their relationships with women (ergo the similarity to pedophiles). - Exaggerated perception and objectification of Asian females (and sometimes little boys). - Uncanny ability to determine one's breast size and country of more...

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on. The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," "You're on," returned his wife. They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon... dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie before." She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too. But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."

A blond was stuck on an island. She could not get off, but there was an interesting structure on the island that intrigued her. It was a building with a small hole running through the bottom of it, and a bit away from it was a small hole, about five inches in diameter. She realized that there was no food on the island. She was stuck there for two days when the intendent came out and said, "Ma'am, the pedestrians here would appreciate it if you would get off of the Western Golf Course for awhile."

Gujarat Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam Time Limit: 3 Weeks 1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one) 5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0. 0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) 8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners 9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton 10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five. more...