Whilst Jokes

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I`m home!

This may sound like an urban legend - but it actually happened to my Dad!
My father work requires him to make several "home calls", one of which resulted in the following amusing tale:
As he arrived at the house in question, he knocked on the door - and as he walked in a dog ran in behind him and headed straight for the lounge.
Whilst discussing the "deal" the dog was leaping all over both of them - my dad thought it was rather strange that this was going unnoticed by the householder.
He also thought it was rather strange that the dog was allowed inside the room whilst they were talking. After several minutes the wife walked in the room with a tray of drinks and the dog just ran up to her and knocked the tray out of her hand, spllling tea all over the place - it was at this point my dad decided to casually ask: "How long have you had the dog?"
Their reply was "Oh - we thought it was yours!"... It was a stray!!!
Another of more...

A young criminal dies in a road accident and instead of going to heaven ends up at the gates of Hell to be met by the Devil himself.' Welcome' says the Devil. The young thug is thinking to himself' this is not what I expected'.

Instead of the fire and brimstone and the gates of Hades all there was was a long corridor going off into the distance with heavy wooden doors bolted on both sides. The Devil says' You now have to choose the punishment that will be yours for all eternity to pay for your sins whilst on earth. Pick the room behind one of these doors and forever be damned!'

The Devil opens the first door to a scene that almost makes the young man sick. Tied to the wall is a man groaning in agony, there is a great hole where his stomach should be, his entrails are slowly being pulled out on to the floor by a group of evil looking dwarves.' Torture for all eternity, no thanks' thinks the young man and he signals the Devil to open another door further down the more...

Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19. 36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova' Swing' on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11. 15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator more...

Scam alert!!!
Please note that whilst shopping at the local supermarket you may be approached by two busty 18 to 20 year olds who will offer to help you put your shopping in the back of your car. As payment they will want a ride to the next supermarket.
Whilst in the car they will proceed to kiss each other, rub their breasts against each other and then offer to satisfy you.
Once you reach the next supermarket you will notice your wallet has been stolen!!
I lost mine on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and twice on Friday !!!