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Bush: Whiskers No Longer a Threat to U.S.

The search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq came to an end today as U.S. military officials found chemical, biological and nuclear weapons hidden in the scraggly beard of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.

The Iraqi madman had instructed his weapons scientists to create the WMD in microscopic form so that he could carry them around on his person at all times, the officials said.

U.S. General Ricardo Sanchez said that the discovery of WMD nestled in Saddam's unkempt facial hair closes the book on one of Operation Iraqi Freedom's most enduring mysteries.

"Now we know why we never found the weapons of mass destruction," General Sanchez told reporters. "We never dreamed they were tiny enough to be hidden on someone's face."

The general added that Saddam was capable of launching his deadly weapons cache merely by shaking his head.

After he was captured, more...