Whistle Jokes / Recent Jokes

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"The chief made the same noises -"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building.""Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them." "Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

This man was on his way back from the dock carrying two buckets of live fish when a game warden stoped him. He said,"ok sir, I know you went over your limit, but not only that, it's not even season. So the man began to explain, "no officer, these are my pet fish. I keep them in a tank at my house and about twice a week I take to that lake, let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they come right back." The game warden did not believe him. So the man offered to show him. Once they got to the dock he dumped the fish in the water and waited a while. Then the warden asked, "Aren't you going to whistle for you fish?" The man turns to him and says "what fish?"

Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms the second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: “Three goddamn years I’ve spent learning to swim with my goddamn ears, then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me”

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

After a day of ocean fishing, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying a bucket which contains two lobsters. He's approached by the Game Warden who asks to see his fishing license.
"Oh, I didn't catch these lobsters," the man says, "they're my pets. I come down to the water every day and whistle and these lobsters jump out. Then, I take them for a walk and return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing a word the man said, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me, then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
"Ok, now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water," instructs the warden.
The fisherman turns to the warden with a sly grin and says, "What lobsters?"

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."
"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"