Whore Jokes / Recent Jokes
'Twas the night after Thanksgivingand all through the nell,not a creature was stirringexcept Tiger on his cell.
Elin was stalking her man to find more.With hopes to catch Cheetah textinghis whore.
The moms' in their nightieslaid down for some sleep,Elin continued her search for that creep.
When all through the house there arose such a clatter!Elin found his golf clubs,his face she would shatter!
Neighbors ran to there windows,tore open the curtain,Holy shit! It was Tigerscreaming and hurtin'!
Barefoot he sprinted barelytouching the grass.Madly hoping and praying to save his own ass.
Help Jesus, help Buddah, Oprah, Tom Cruise!Somebody please save me from theobituary news!
Elin swift on his heels screaming, swinging and crying,I'll kill you, you Cheetah!I knew you were lying!
A smack to his forehead, crunch went his teeth.OMG! Elin! I never did cheat!
Tiger ran to the car,tore open the door.Crash went a window!That's for your whore!
He more...
Two old guys, like 80 yrs. old, went to a whore house and told the woman at the door that they wanted the two most beautiful whores.
The woman was like, they're old, what are they gonna know. So she sticks them in the two darkest rooms with blow-up dolls.
After they were done, they were walking out of the whore house and old guy #1 says to old guy #2, "How was your whore?"
#2 said "She was horrible. She just laid there like she was dead. Well, how was your whore?"
#1 goes "She was a witch." #2 responds "What do you mean a witch?"
#1 says "I bit her tit and she flew out the window!"
A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.Jesus stepped in front of her and said: "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said: "You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off."
Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore? -She gives a licking and keeps on ticking.
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender.
"Well, we got her!" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right." The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two botles of beer.
He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!"
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. "How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner.
"I don't," replied the whore, "but I thought you might like to open those beers first."
I tried to get stills from the Yaz brand birth control commercial to help properly describe it, but I couldn't find any. You have to see it, it's unbelievable.
First of all, "Yaz" has to be the skeeviest sounding brand name ever concieved by man. Why not just call it "Skank?"
Secondly, the commercial does this weird thing that drug commercials do lately, where they try to slip the side effect disclaimer into a casual dialogue between friends. It's completely fucking creepy.
So the commercial depicts some blond club sluts that look like they were pulled off Ardie Fuqua's MySpace list. (Look up Ardie Fuqua on MySpace to get that joke! It's a doozy!) The gals are sitting around drinking cosmos and talking (probably about black cock) when one of them brings up Yaz, the 24-hour birth control pill. She quotes several studies to her friends and then gives them a laundry list of side effects while her fellow cumdumpsters nod and smile blankly.
When she gets more...
A guy walks into a whore house and asks what can I get for a dollar. The guy says floor three room two to your left. He goes there and a old woman answers the door. So they start doing it and the guy says this is dry what can you do to make this better. The woman says all be back in a minuet. A half an hour later she comes out and they do it. When there done the guy says thats my kind of women, what did you do. The lady says I piked all my scabs and let the puss run out.